Searching ‘signs for autism or add in toddlers’

💔😢 with a heavy heart after about a year of knowing something with my daughter isn’t right and everyone telling me it’s normal, my husband and others have expressed concern and now we will start her journey of assessment.

I’m not quite sure what’s ‘wrong’ with her or if it’s anything other than her strong willed personality. I will list some examples please feel free to give ur opinions in the comments.

She’s 20 months and very clever she’s got a wide vocabulary. She’s began to start having nose bleeds during tantrums because of the state she gets into. 

She’s hitting and throwing things throwing herself back on floors etc it’s more the reasons why that’s concerning there’s no real reasons today she picked up her handbag tried once to close it then screamed and threw it across the room knocking over a glass on the table 😞 

she’s getting really odd if she’s wet or there’s something on her hand she comes straight up to me crying showing me where she’s spilled her water or she’ll stop eating her dinner and cry because there’s food on her hand and won’t stop until you’ve wiped it and it’s not a clean freak thing because she will get right in there and get dirty but it’s random things she won’t like.

The only thing that calms her and puts her in some sort of weird calm trance is scratching/tickling her back. She’s become obsessed with this though and would have you doing this all day.

My husbands been off work this week and he’s telling me he’s concerned and wants the health visitors advice. Until now everyone has made me feel like it’s just her personality she’s strong willed and won’t let anyone help her and she has started a screeching.

Any comments would be helpful 

thanks for reading,

Married to Autism

M.I.A

I’m so so so sorry! Not only have I totally stopped posting I think it will be a little while again before I can regularly post.

its all great news though!

we have been approved for a mortgage and are spending all our time looking at houses. I’m so happy about all of this but I’m sure I’ll have lots to post once it’s all finalised. After all we all know that autism and big life changes aren’t the most smooth sailing!

wish us luck!

Thanks for reading,

Married to Autism

This seems so appropriate at this scary time

http://www.popsugar.com/moms/Letter-My-Daughter-About-My-Divorce-37044797

Breaking up

I’m stuck in a rut. I’m really unhappy with my life right now, if I left my husband I would still not be happy. I want him but I don’t want this life. This makes my husband think I should just leave him and be happy but it’s not that simple. That option isn’t even simple!

Please have us in our thoughts right now while we try to work out if a break is best for us. I really hope this process speeds up because we desperately need help.

Thanks for reading,

Married to Autism 

Can I relationship with ASD work?

Let me get back to you on this one!

Have you ever heard the analogy of the empty well?

It couldn’t be more true!

If people keep taking water from your well, one day you’ll run out of reasources. You need to take time to yourself to be emotionally fulfilled to fill up that well FIRST and REGULARLY.

This is something I really need to start doing I just don’t know what I can do to fill my well up because it’s getting pretty empty.

Thanks for reading,

Married to Autism 

I’m a maid, I’m a cook, I’m a mum, I’m a PA, I’m an outfit planner, I’m a laundrette….oh did I mention maid!

I clean and I clean and I clean! I gave up a long time ago. My husband does nothing around the house. He can’t see what needs done and when u ask him he takes 2 hours to finish it. Frankly he would live in his own filth though.

It’s his day off today and all I’ve done is clean a room then come back and it’s a mess.

I don’t even ask he contributes anymore! I just ask that he simply doesn’t leave everything at his arse! 

On top of this the pressure on my water is down. Meaning that bath I’ve been looking forward to all day isn’t going to happen. I was going to have a long soak to ease the pain of my muscles after running around after everyone today. Just so I wouldn’t snap and kill someone! 

Now I think I might actually have to murder someone!

If that wasn’t bad enough he turns to me and tells me there’s too many rules with my daughter. By this he means the stuff he has to remember. This is because I asked him not to say ‘wee wee’ while she was riding her rocking horse, as she was repeating it and we are attempting to toilet train her using this word. I also earlier in the day mentioned that if he gives her everything she points to without getting her to repeat the objects name it will slow her language skills down.

I didn’t say this in a snide way in the slightest. Plus I walked in on some annoying situations today -like the dog peeing on the sofa- that just remind me that I just cannot leave him in charge of any task no matter how minute.

Now when I’m done putting the baby to bed I know I’ll be greeted by the same ‘what are we doing for tea?’ Of course meaning ‘when are you making my tea?’ He already knows what we’re having.

Can you tell I’ve not had a great day? I’m sorry if I’m not filling anyone with hope about a perfect  relationship with someone whilst having autism, but the truth is this sucks! It’s draining, it’s stressful and it’s lonely. Realistically I have these days and I hate to say it but they are frequent. Your probably already bored of my constant moaning.

I’m sorry.

Thanks for reading,

Married to Autism 

Deflated

We have fell in love with a house and it seems perfect for us.

We’ve not been to the bank yet but it’s looking like its not feasible.

This all started when we got an email explaining our rent was increasing again.

Buying is something we’ve always wanted to do but we’ve never really been able to.

So when we got this email we began to think for just a bit more we could rent a house but it would be harder to save for a deposit.

We began looking into our parents helping and us paying them back. 

We’re basically stuck between a rock and a hard place. For all you literal people out there that means a shitty situation.

We’ve made this house our home and invested a lot of money into it. All because we were thinking we will be here long term. If the rent keeps increasing we will be left with no choice.

I’m on a complete downer and feel like owning a home is never going to happen for us! 

Thanks for reading,

Married to Autism 

Bashing my husband to his doctors

Autism is a very personal condition. There’s a fine line between its autistic traits and personality traits.

Thats where it gets complicated because if I was going to my husbands doctors to speak about his dodgee knee i wouldn’t feel quite as bad!

So far I have sat in 3 hour long sessions speaking in depth about all my husbands negatives. It sucks!

He leaves feeling horrible about himself and I leave feeling horrible about what I’ve said. I understand though these are the things she needs to know fully and I cannot hold back. It’s just ashame the doctors never ask about the good times, or how little comments mean so much more to me.

It gets really personal, times where he’s completely lost his cool and I’ve told no one about. Times he’s really ashamed of but he could not control himself. (He’s never laid his hands on me for the record)

I can only imagine how it feels to be sitting there listening to all the worst things you’ve done. The worst ways you’ve treated someone you love.

It didn’t help that the doctors reply was ‘wow! That’s a lot to put up with’ and ‘you must be a really calm person’ I totally appreciate that she was trying to give me some recognition which is often overlooked by people who do not fully understand, but at the same time I could see he felt so small.

Afterwards, he told me how judged he felt. That she must’ve sat there thinking why am I with him.

Which was funny because I left feeling like she was the first person I could speak openly to about our experiences and could tell she didn’t just think he was an arse hole. She got it. She understood the whys and the how’s.

Im greatful for all the help and I realise this is a chapter we had to go through. It was just a hard chapter for me, I’m sure many mums feel this way too. When they explain their children’s traits  to their doctors. That’s my part over now anyway until our couples councils get sessions.

Thanks for reading,

Married to Autism

Too much hard work!

Everything seems extra effort and thought and time when someone has autism.

its so irritating that normal things become a military operation. Sometimes I look at other families and think God! One child two parents and your complaining! Wow! You have no idea.

Im constantly drained. I feel like I’m being pulled in so many directions.

i always think this would just be easier just me and my daughter without the added stress or exhaustion of an autistic partner.

Then I remember that I’m not in this life to be a carer. That’s not my calling. I’m here to be a good wife and mum. I’m here because I love him in a way I’ve loved no body else.

although life without my husband would be less stressful, it would also be boring and I wouldn’t be with the person I love most. I’d be heartbroken.

Thanks for reading,

Married to Autism 

How do you know when someone is taking the piss?

I was a bit apprehensive about our family day out today. I have bad anxiety I think because I have no idea how a day is going to go. It depends on my husband. Of course I’m not really allowed to be anxious. I’m told ‘stop it you’ll just get be all wound up’.

Every day I calm him down but because he doesn’t know how to handle my anxiety, I can’t voice it at all. Totally double standards.

I think I’ve mentioned before that my husband takes around an hour in the shower and a further half hour to 45 minutes to dry himself . This is his ADD and imagination, and because he has to make sure he’s bone dry.

Today he took one and a half hours in the shower. Without even drying time! I needed help to keep my daughter occupied so I could pack her bag, do my make up and I was bursting for the loo.

This situation left me wondering: How do we know when someone with autism is taking the piss out of you? can they even? I’m not sure if it even occurs to them they can use it as an excuse.

It took him 2 hours 15 minutes to get ready. I know what your thinking he must be really well groomed. He must of had to shave and style his hair in that time too. Nope. He shaved the night before and he was going to the barbers. That was solely to get in a shower lather his body and hair, rinse and get out.

Mean while I run about like headless chicken. I swear his days off are more stressful than when I’m on my own with my daughter.

It’s a reoccurring question though. You constantly find yourself wondering if they’re taking the piss out of you. If there using it to their advantage. It’s all because it’s hard to imagine someone on the spectrums thought process. Even if they have explained it so many times.

After all the polava of getting out and about was over, we actually had a great day painting pottery and going for tea together.

Thanks for reading,

Married to Autism